DAY 41 – “I’m only human…”
WHAT CAN I SAY???
Some People are just not meant to be Wonder Woman!
Not every woman is wonderful, not every man is super, when as a world are we going to understand that we are all the same, we are all people, we are all HUMAN?
I had a think the other day…I want to be Prime Minister!
NO, SERIOUSLY!!!!
As a country we complain, as a generation “THE TWENTYSOMETHINGS” we complain all the time about not having a government that understands us, that knows what we want! Well, technically we are Britain, not all of it but we are a majority! and we own our own little patches therefore technically are we not the owners of Britain?? Do we not deserve a government that works with us instead of against us? For us instead of for themselves??
The Prime Minister is as much to me as my doctor, policeman, fireman, lawyer or dentist….they are an employee of Britain and in turn they are an employee of me and do you know, I’m not impressed with your work since you’ve been with us and I think its time I took over!
Who’s with me???
Your next WonderWomanPrimeMinister
L J Simms
xXx
Filed under: Life, Problems | Leave a Comment
Tags: Britain, Dentist, Doctor, Fireman, Government, Lawyer, Life, Policeman, Politics, Prime Minister, Super Man, Wonder Woman
DAY 33 – “Please don’t shoot me”
I’ve skipped 24 days….
Slap my hand, I’m a bad blog!
So guys, and gals…budgies and hamsters….I suppose its about time I owned up, put my hands in the air and admitted I’ve done you wrong. I have abandoned you for 24 days without a word.
My explanation?? UNIVERSITY. I’ve just finished a major 40% project and as of yesterday it’s completely over. The project ran smoothly enough but what with all day rehearsals, all night papiér maché marathons and enormous half painted bunny rabbit heads floating around my front room for 2 months I have lost all time to write my humble little blog. Then one day became 2 days, 2 days became a week and before I knew it i had almost completely forgotten I had a blog at all. The project was great fun in part but all in all an utter nightmare.
There were ups and downs a plenty…friends gained as well as lost and now I’m EXHAUSTED! But please take this as my public apology, just so happens that sometimes work takes over your life.
So…what have you been up to?….anything interesting?…..
Peace, Love and Apologies…
LJ Simms x
Filed under: Life, Problems, University | Leave a Comment
Tags: Arts and Crafts, Blog, Bunny, Drama, Exhaustion, Life, Naughty, Performance, Sleep, Stress, Time, Tired, University, Work
“I’m really sorry…..”
“Ahhhhh no, don’t chase me! I said sorry!”
Note to self: NEVER SHOUT AT A CHIHUAHUA!
Now, bare with me gang….I’m a little out of breath!
I love Chihuahuas! I’ve wanted one for ages, NOT ANYMORE!!!!
See this innocent little face —->
This little cute, cuddly, face —–>
DO NOT BELIEVE IT!
HE IS LYING TO YOU WITH A SMILE!!!!!!!
I was walking to Uni this morning, across the field between my house and the prison/uni walls I saw this teeny little Chihuahua who looked lost! No owner in sight so obviously I instantly thought to steal it! But then recovered my sanity and thought no-no check the tag!
So upon inspection of the cute little demon dog’s tag, it decided my leg looked like perfect place to pee!
OBVIOUSLY I AM NOT HAPPY WITH THIS FACT
And as a reflex I shook my leg and shouted at it to stop…
NOW PLEASE READ CAREFULLY….. I don’t need to be interviewed by the R.S.P.C.A, no no They need find that Chihuahua and lock HIM up!
Ok, so I shouted at the dog that it was stupid and boy did that dog growl, little mouth BIG NOISE, i was scared even before it started running! So I’m speaking calmly “its ok doggy, calm doggy,it’s fine you pissed on me like I’m a lamp-post doggy, don’t worry I won’t sell you to butchers doggy”
This wasn’t working…
“And they called it pupppppppppy loveeeeeee??????”
Still not working….
“I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry”
And then it happened, the chihuahua chased me! Across the field, Across the road, RIGHT TO MY HOUSE!!!
In fact I’m quite sure I can still hear it scratching at my door!
Note to self: NEVER BUY A CHIHUAHUA!
Bruised and Exhausted
LJ Simms x
Filed under: Humour | 3 Comments
Tags: Chihuahua, Demon, Dogs, Pain, Puppy, Shouting
Well I’m not gonna lie…
It actually turned out alright!
So before I start, I must apologise for my inadequate blogging yesterday! I didn’t even get to sleep through the day and just ended up roaming around my town, walking off the emotions Valentine’s was sturring up.
So as I wandered round the rows of houses I did the obvious ambling thing of looking through into windows and I must admit I live in a trendy area, I seriously re-caught the interior designing virus, I could feel its fever taking over my mind screaming IKEA!!! IKEA!!!!
Once the virus was treated with a sharp needle full of reality I decided to call my most trusted friend in my hour of need and BOY did he deliver.
After walking for what seemed hours I arrived at Sean’s house only to be greeted with no love hearts, no cherubs, no rom coms…no wine. I was greeted with pure bachelor genius!
Now there were 3 things that made me grant sean the “BEST EVER VALENTINES” award…
As I stepped into his flat, First of all… I was met with the scents of man shower gel, beer, and steak! Man, Man and Man! GOOD!
My ears were lullabied into serenity with the sounds of an action film ready to be stalked through night by a few horrors. No frills or spills here!
Thankfully not all hope was lost and it wasn’t just one big man-fest, no. The best moment of the whole evening was the last moment….it was quite possibly the fluffiest, silliest, RomCom ending cute moment of all time…Fast asleep, Slightly snoring….My darling big butch man friend Sean sucked his thumb and snuffled his nose like an ickle bunny wabbit….so slightly giggling at action man’s new look My cold, shrivelled heart once again allowed itself to heal.
Tip of the Day:
“You get by with a little help from your friends!”
Thanks for reading,
LJ Simms x
Filed under: Humour, Life | Leave a Comment
Tags: Action Films, Beer, Bunnies, Sean, Sleeping, Steak, Valentines
…Okay
……………….So
…………Today’s the day
I’m Posting so early today because I haven’t yet gone to sleep .
I’m trying to stay awake as long as possible to see if I can sleep through tomorrow.
Here’s Hoping.
Happy Valentine’s Readers,
may yours be beautifully eventful and love filled.
Say Goodnight and Go.
LJ Simms x
Filed under: Problems | Leave a Comment
Tags: Alone, Goodnight, Headache, Heartache, Hope, Readers, Relationships, Sleeping, Tired, Today, Tomorrow, Valentines
Good Morning World!
How are you feeling today?
ME? Well to be honest, not feeling too good. Woke up this afternoon [yes I slept til 2pm] feeling like nothing I was doing was worth…..well doing!
Basically, Georgina woke me up with a phone call, Imagine I’m DEEEEP asleep and she starts talking about her job and money and plans for this weekend; she’s being taken to London by her utterly idiotic boyfriend and couldn’t stop telling me how “even the sheets in this hotel are made of the finest egyptian cotton” Like I care about cotton I’m a heartbroken TwentySomething who just wishes you’d SHUT UP!
*breathe*
Well, during this conversation I was just getting more and more agitated. Now, having OCD; when I get stressed, angry, happy any strong emotion or feeling…..I want to organise and Clean things. Its irritating, all you want is a nice calm NON-valentinesy normal saturday and instead was plunged into a cupid’s funeral worth of Valentine’s B*llSh*t and all I could think about was bleaching my bedroom.
Georgina gets off the phone, after explaining for the 18th time how her darling boyfriend is “The One” because he’s got a good job and a big package….will that girl ever learn…..good job = secretary, big package = happy secretary….I hate to say it…. but hell she’s cheating on him too!
You see….this is the reason for the mood today….I deserve a relationship, I think I’ve earned that smile you get when you look at someone you truly love, I don’t even mind picking up socks and cooking dinner for when he’s home…. In fact I think I’d quite enjoy it! But when people completely don’t deserve love, you know the guys who take the piss out of fat girls, the girls who kiss any guy whilst in a relationship because its ‘not cheating’, the couples who only talk when they want sex……None of them deserve relationships, because they are exactly the people who are destroying relationships in the first place.
Well, apologies for the sad post today, maybe my mood will improve tomorr…..actually lets not hold too much hope for tomorrow!
Peace and Bleach Readers.
LJ Simms
Filed under: Humour, Life, Love, Problems | Leave a Comment
Tags: Bleach, Cheating, Cleaning, Couples, Georgina, Hate, Kiss, Love, OCD, Package, Peace, Phonecall, Relationships, Secretary, Sleeping, Socks, Valentines
Oh!
What a Beautiful Morning
Oh!
What a productive day
Woke up this morning feeling better, 8:00am, although feeling good was still running late, frantically pulling on extra pairs of socks due to the bitter weather and stuffing my already frozen toes into my uggs, I hurried out the door to catch a lift to Uni.
Boring lecture this morning though; I spent most of it playing stupid games with Jack, trying to see what we could get away with whilst the Tutor wasn’t looking. Lecture might haved bored the hell out of me, but watching Jack slide across the room on his ass seemed to lighten the mood, and it all ended in a Hash Brown Special at the Café, free cup of tea too so not all hope was lost!
None of that sounds productive does it?
Well, I ventured up to the land of no return [The Library] as I thought it best to do SOME reading whilst at Uni and after cataloguing all the books I’d need i went around searching for them. Now, consider this…I’m carrying my coat [The library is BOILING], I’m carrying my handbag [Paul's Boutique I LOVE it] and a cup of coffee, PLUS, I’m trying to hold books that I’m finding.
*Pause for image processing*
THEN; the library goes dark as a snow cloud creeps in front of the sun, just as this Big, Beautiful, Total Man-Candy stalks out from behind a bookcase, the shadow of his muscley arms lays across my face…
“Would you like some help with those?” he says as he sweeps me off my feet and we live happily ever aft….
Ok….. so that’s not what happened, the man-candy’s true…the shadow, the cloud, and what he said was true!…..What I didn’t say is as he offered me some help I jumped in shock as I hadn’t seen him coming consequently dropping said handbag, books and coat whilst throwing my nice hot mocha all over myself.
He definitely checked me out though!
Hope you had a productive day too readers!
LJ Simms x
Filed under: Humour, Love, Problems, University | Leave a Comment
Tags: Beautiful, Book, Bookcase, Café, Cloud, Coffee, Flirting, Hash Brown Special, Hunk, Lecture, Library, Life, Love, Man-Candy, men, Studying, Tea, twentysomething, University, women
SSSssSSsshhhhh!
Twentysomething life bites!
I woke up freezing my ass off this morning; wearing only my underwear I was unable to remember what I could have possibly done to have such a headache. It feels like a vindictive little child is hitting me in the head with a hammer and no matter how many Nurofen tablets i throw at it, the child won’t leave me alone.
I look around my room…
– Clothes abandoned at the door
– Bottles strewn across room
– Empty cigarette packet
– Inflatable palm tree????
That wasn’t there when I went out last night…….AHA!!!! CONCLUSION I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT!!!
Right, CAMERA!…wow maybe not camera as it seems to be in bits in my handbag…..okkkkkkkk, HOUSEMATE!…….nope housemate has no idea either, but did highlight the fact that i have a penis drawn on my face in UV paint?!
So, scrub off penis and go make some breakfast….
Ok, who is this? There is a strange girl and guy on my sofa…”Heyyyy LJ!”……Who are these people?……”Morniing sleep well?” i reply coyly…..”Yeah cheers for letting us stay! did you have fun last night you party animal!”……..OH MY GOD WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT AND WHY DOES THIS WOMAN ONLY HAVE UNDERWEAR ON?!…….”Tea?”
Scott and Amy are really nice, taking into account that they are random strangers, “Hey LJ lets see that video you made last night it was hysterical!”…….Video?, video? my camera was broken…..Video?…..MY PHONE!!!!! Why didn’t I think before…..
So as i turn on my phone and scan through the memory I get this sudden surge of excitement, rushing to press all the buttons on my phone, and there it was VideoOO34………at first its just normal, “are you sure this is last night scott?” “yeah yeah keep watching”….and then right there, right in front of my face…..
“More Tea?”
…….delete video? yes…..are you sure? yes………….DELETED
Hungover and Feeling sick,
LJ Simms
Filed under: Life, Problems, University | 1 Comment
Tags: alcohol, Animal, Breakfast, Camera, Drinking, Drunk, Feeling Sick, Hangover, Kebab, party, Penis, Phone, twentysomething, Underwear, UV Paint, Video
Hey, Hey Squiddleys!
All I have to say today is…
B@$][*£!? UNIVERSITY!!!
Today was possibly the worst day of my 3 years at Uni.
Sorry kids but momma's got a tale of grief, sorrow and woe today.
This project that I have been SLAVING [100% true] away at, the project that has brought together a group of misgreants who under any other circumstances, looked set to fail when put together, but, in the face of adversity have pulled together to create one hell of a mother-truckingly AMAZING new play.
Now, all boasting aside I seriously thought that this project was worth something.
When you feel your heart and soul literally fit into a performance, when you can feel the lights on your face as you write the first few lines of script, it’s really disheartening to then have those lights; crash down on your head, give you concussion and render you completely useless.
“So what’s the big deal?” I hear you say…..
“We all have bad days!” I hear you cry…….
and both are valid questions but neither addresses the fact that my University is only in it for the money, and my education has suffered because of it!
My tutors are corrupted by ass-licking fools; who think the only way to the top is to use everyone elses faces as a ladder, stealing from your purses as they climb higher.
What I’m trying to say is, my boots weren’t made for walking, [they're uggs they get wet rather easy] but that’s just what they’ll do, one of these days my big wet boots’a'gonna walk all over you!
Peace and Love Readers
LJ Simms x
Filed under: Humour, Life, Problems, University | Leave a Comment
Tags: Ass-Licking, Boots, Education, Fail, Lecture, Life, Pain, Pink Floyd, Project, Teacher, Tutors, Uggs, University
‘Allo ‘Allo ‘Allo
“What have we got here then?
My, my, my, my ,my!”
Well thats what my landlord said at 10:20am this morning! So I’m sat there; well more like laying there almost comatose, minding my TwentySomething business when in storms my landlord [I live with 6 other people in a huge house]
“So, ever heard of cleaning?”
In response to this obvious attack on my TwentySomething cleaning skills I dragged myself from under my duvet to face this intruder of my room, she couldn’t possibly be referring to my spick and span OCD cleaned bedroom?????
“yes landlord, no landlord, three bags full landlord” (It’s easier this way!)
So while she rattles around my room trying to fit new curtains as the old ones have broken, I sat pondering…
If she didn’t mean my room….what room was she talking about?
Now kids, this is an average day in the life of a TwentySomething living in student accommodation, you never know whats around the corner. Surprise heating bills, strangers sleeping on your stairs, new species of life forming on the kitchen surfaces…it’s all NORMAL apparently, but what I was about to discover was beyond any of these normal surprises.
As I stepped out in my pristine PJs and Hoody I was faced with the mother of all messes. There was food on the ceiling, clothes ripped on the banister, glitter and shredded paper embedded into the carpet and what looked like enough empty bottles of beer to sink a navy battleship!
and all I could think was…
“How the hell did I sleep through this!”
So that’s all I’ve got for you today, but for me there’s lots of cleaning to be had, OOOOOOOOooooo the OCD is going to love this!
Thank You for Reading,
LJ Simms
Filed under: Life, Problems | 3 Comments
Tags: Accommodation, Beer, Cleaning, Glitter, Landlord, LJ, Morning, OCD, party, Simms, Sleep, Student, Tidy, twentysomething
